[Health & Dreams] Housewife Dreams and Dark Shadows

In this day and age, it is more common than not, for women to have larger dreams, than they did decades ago. Making plenty of money, higher education, careers, living life large.

I often wonder to myself...is there something wrong with me? That sort of thing really has never been what I want...I've had a few fun jobs that I would like...but the more I think about it, what I really want to be...is a housewife. I want to spend my days at home, raising children, cooking meals for my family, keeping the house tidy.

While my own mom does work a job (with the exception of during the summer), she also works from home. She sells art online. Wooden painted dolls, prints, lots of really cute little things. She's doing fairly well with it, too. Maybe not enough to solely survive on that, but pretty close in her busy periods. This is why I'm striving to become better with my own art, and increase my own online presence. If I had the ability to make money from home, raise my children, and be a real family mom, that would be a dream come true. I'm seriously trying to pursue this right now.

I wonder though, how many people would frown on such a low goal. That I'm not shooting for the stars. That I don't want to a fancy career, university degrees, and things like that. Does that make me an under achiever?

Or, is the fact that I finally know what I want in life, and I'm working towards it, something to applaud?

I shouldn't worry what others think, I should just be proud of myself that I'm finally walking that path that I think I was meant to be on. I can't help but worry what others think though. Shamefully, I just want to be loved and accepted by all.

This post is shifting a little darker, and I apologize for that...but, I need to vent a little. Feel free to skip this part of the post, if you don't want to read depressing bits.


It's been very up and down, though for the most part, really positive. In the last month or so though, my depression has been making itself more prevalent in my life again. It isn't a medically diagnosed depression, but I know it's there, and that it's real.

It's that sort of thing, where you just feel so hopeless, and you don't even care about getting out of that dark pit you're falling into. I won't go into details, but suicide is at the bottom. Or, it's a tunnel at the bottom, that people try to dig, to give themselves that escape...but it just ends. That feeling that nothing you do is worthwhile, nobody -really- cares about you, there's no point in sticking around, since you're so utterly useless. Nothing I do ever goes right. It sucks...and it really bothers me when people say, "Oh cheer up. Just get over it." But anyone who actually goes through this, understands that you can't. If things get better, it's only over time...you can't force yourself to just 'cheer up'. It just happens eventually, or at least, the pain fades. I hate the waiting...it's scary.

I also hate that this is coming back. I don't fully understand why...but I'm willing to bet it's stress related. Finances, a new job, wedding planning. That must be it.

I've been wondering as well if I should seek out some sort of a mental evaluation...I know there are things wrong with me, but to what extent, I'm not sure. I suffer from (self-diagnosed)depression and Misophonia, which is now looking like an emotional response disorder (which would explain a LOT), but I feel like I'm just...off. I can't really explain it.  I don't really know where to begin with something like that, though....And I'm fairly certain that it would cost more than I could ever afford.

Anyways...I think that concludes this little rant...I'm sorry it took such a dark turn south. :(

~Jenicsaco

[Animals] Rest in peace, Theo.

I really wanted to make a post here, but was struggling with a topic. I thought about updating on Theo, but the last that saw him, he was doing very well, and I didn't have much else to say, or at least, that I really could say. So, I way trying to think of another topic...unfortunately, I recieved an e-mail today that just broke my heart...

Theodore passed away last night. While his chances were not good to begin with, he had shown some impressive improvements that had me really feeling hopeful for his recovery, and eventual possible release. I don't have all of the information, but it sounds like he took a very sudden turn downhill....Currently waiting on necropsy results, to find out the cause of death...I know that while this is truly upsetting (I'm fighting tooth and nail against some serious tears right now), good will also come of this...Harbor porpoises are not very well known, so there is much knowledge to gain from Theo, even after death.

I'm truly grateful for the opportunity to have had a few shifts with him, and to have watched him make those steps to recovery. To have been able to spend that time with him.

I leave you with a link to the Vancouver Aquarium's blog post on the matter, which can explain things much better of course, than I can.

http://www.aquablog.ca/2012/10/stranded-harbour-porpoise-theo-fails-to-recover/

[Environmental] 99 Red Balloons? No thank you.

So, I wanted to write a blog post on why people should ban balloons...but I didn't want to do so without some numbers to throw out. This had been an interesting venture...I find a lot of pages saying why people shouldn't ban balloons, and few giving reasons for the opposite.

Balloons end up as garbage, litter. They can become ingested by animals mistaking it for food, or just plain by mistake. Some smaller critters can even become entangled in discarded balloons and die.

I've read that latex balloons, though made of natural ingredients, can take up to four or six (I've read both) to decompose. That's a long time to leave something out for a poor animal to eat and choke on, or be unable to digest and wind up with some deadly digestion issues.

Releasing balloons is just incredibly irresponsible. You may as well just pop it and throw it on the ground, there's really no difference.

While I don't have kids yet, my household will have a ban on balloons. They are a pointless, useless form of mild entertainment and decoration, and the world would be better off without them. I will never buy my child a balloon, and encourage others to do so. Spend the money some something equally as entertaining, and something that can be re-used and treasured. Not something that will last maybe half a day, and end up in the garbage. Do the environment a favor, and save the latex for something more worthwhile, like birth control.

~Jenicsaco

[Gaming] Pandaria Progress

I will admit, I haven't played any of the high-level content of the latest expansion, Mists of Pandaria, in the World of Warcraft yet. Why? I don't have a high level...I do have one 85, though I consider her retired...It's silly, but I have a difficult time playing her now, without bringing up more sadness. Long story short, I was in a guild that I absolutely adored. I considered my guildies family, and was pretty crushed when everyone drifted away/stopped playing. It's been almost three years, and my heart still aches. I miss them terribly. So, I find it better if I just don't touch this character.
My main, is currently level 81, I believe. So, my fiance and I are in the process, when we play together, of running through Hyjal. We'll get there eventually, I promise!

The starting zone for the Pandaren though, was a lot of fun. I feel that I breezed through it a lot quicker (and enjoyed the process a lot more) than the goblin and worgen. Really beautiful scenery, music, and the quests were fun and interesting. Plenty of new little bits here and there to keep me entertained! I highly recommend everyone make a pandaren, and at least play through the starting zone. I don't want to say much without giving anything away, but it's really worth it. I promise!

Initially, when the expansion was first announced, I was among the many groaning, "Augh, Kung-fu panda!". Yes, I know they've been around since before the movie, but that's besides the point. It's an avenue they didn't have to pursue, but did. Anyhow, this expansion now had my full approval (If that means anything. Probably not. I'm not picky.). I really do love my Pandaren, Dai'xi, as well. She's freaking adorable, and I feel as far as looks...I can most closely relate to them. Yes, I'm overweight, if you didn't already know. (Are there really strangers out there reading this? I can only hope!). They're sweet, and pleasantly round...If I were about a foot shorter, I could probably cosplay one and pull it off darned well. I'd like to think I've got the personality for it, too!

The one thing I'm griping about right now though...is the pet battle system. I love it. I'm already an altoholic, trying to round up as many achievements,mounts, and pets as I can. Now I need to level my pets. And collect even more. The system is nicely done, and I think it's a fun little mini-game to play with...but at the same time..it's one more thing I feel I have to do....And that folks, is what obsession looks like!

Until next time, get some fresh air and enjoy the sun before Old Man Winter keeps us locked inside!
~Jenicsaco