[Health & Dreams] Housewife Dreams and Dark Shadows

In this day and age, it is more common than not, for women to have larger dreams, than they did decades ago. Making plenty of money, higher education, careers, living life large.

I often wonder to myself...is there something wrong with me? That sort of thing really has never been what I want...I've had a few fun jobs that I would like...but the more I think about it, what I really want to be...is a housewife. I want to spend my days at home, raising children, cooking meals for my family, keeping the house tidy.

While my own mom does work a job (with the exception of during the summer), she also works from home. She sells art online. Wooden painted dolls, prints, lots of really cute little things. She's doing fairly well with it, too. Maybe not enough to solely survive on that, but pretty close in her busy periods. This is why I'm striving to become better with my own art, and increase my own online presence. If I had the ability to make money from home, raise my children, and be a real family mom, that would be a dream come true. I'm seriously trying to pursue this right now.

I wonder though, how many people would frown on such a low goal. That I'm not shooting for the stars. That I don't want to a fancy career, university degrees, and things like that. Does that make me an under achiever?

Or, is the fact that I finally know what I want in life, and I'm working towards it, something to applaud?

I shouldn't worry what others think, I should just be proud of myself that I'm finally walking that path that I think I was meant to be on. I can't help but worry what others think though. Shamefully, I just want to be loved and accepted by all.

This post is shifting a little darker, and I apologize for that...but, I need to vent a little. Feel free to skip this part of the post, if you don't want to read depressing bits.


It's been very up and down, though for the most part, really positive. In the last month or so though, my depression has been making itself more prevalent in my life again. It isn't a medically diagnosed depression, but I know it's there, and that it's real.

It's that sort of thing, where you just feel so hopeless, and you don't even care about getting out of that dark pit you're falling into. I won't go into details, but suicide is at the bottom. Or, it's a tunnel at the bottom, that people try to dig, to give themselves that escape...but it just ends. That feeling that nothing you do is worthwhile, nobody -really- cares about you, there's no point in sticking around, since you're so utterly useless. Nothing I do ever goes right. It sucks...and it really bothers me when people say, "Oh cheer up. Just get over it." But anyone who actually goes through this, understands that you can't. If things get better, it's only over time...you can't force yourself to just 'cheer up'. It just happens eventually, or at least, the pain fades. I hate the waiting...it's scary.

I also hate that this is coming back. I don't fully understand why...but I'm willing to bet it's stress related. Finances, a new job, wedding planning. That must be it.

I've been wondering as well if I should seek out some sort of a mental evaluation...I know there are things wrong with me, but to what extent, I'm not sure. I suffer from (self-diagnosed)depression and Misophonia, which is now looking like an emotional response disorder (which would explain a LOT), but I feel like I'm just...off. I can't really explain it.  I don't really know where to begin with something like that, though....And I'm fairly certain that it would cost more than I could ever afford.

Anyways...I think that concludes this little rant...I'm sorry it took such a dark turn south. :(

~Jenicsaco

[Animals] Rest in peace, Theo.

I really wanted to make a post here, but was struggling with a topic. I thought about updating on Theo, but the last that saw him, he was doing very well, and I didn't have much else to say, or at least, that I really could say. So, I way trying to think of another topic...unfortunately, I recieved an e-mail today that just broke my heart...

Theodore passed away last night. While his chances were not good to begin with, he had shown some impressive improvements that had me really feeling hopeful for his recovery, and eventual possible release. I don't have all of the information, but it sounds like he took a very sudden turn downhill....Currently waiting on necropsy results, to find out the cause of death...I know that while this is truly upsetting (I'm fighting tooth and nail against some serious tears right now), good will also come of this...Harbor porpoises are not very well known, so there is much knowledge to gain from Theo, even after death.

I'm truly grateful for the opportunity to have had a few shifts with him, and to have watched him make those steps to recovery. To have been able to spend that time with him.

I leave you with a link to the Vancouver Aquarium's blog post on the matter, which can explain things much better of course, than I can.

http://www.aquablog.ca/2012/10/stranded-harbour-porpoise-theo-fails-to-recover/

[Environmental] 99 Red Balloons? No thank you.

So, I wanted to write a blog post on why people should ban balloons...but I didn't want to do so without some numbers to throw out. This had been an interesting venture...I find a lot of pages saying why people shouldn't ban balloons, and few giving reasons for the opposite.

Balloons end up as garbage, litter. They can become ingested by animals mistaking it for food, or just plain by mistake. Some smaller critters can even become entangled in discarded balloons and die.

I've read that latex balloons, though made of natural ingredients, can take up to four or six (I've read both) to decompose. That's a long time to leave something out for a poor animal to eat and choke on, or be unable to digest and wind up with some deadly digestion issues.

Releasing balloons is just incredibly irresponsible. You may as well just pop it and throw it on the ground, there's really no difference.

While I don't have kids yet, my household will have a ban on balloons. They are a pointless, useless form of mild entertainment and decoration, and the world would be better off without them. I will never buy my child a balloon, and encourage others to do so. Spend the money some something equally as entertaining, and something that can be re-used and treasured. Not something that will last maybe half a day, and end up in the garbage. Do the environment a favor, and save the latex for something more worthwhile, like birth control.

~Jenicsaco

[Gaming] Pandaria Progress

I will admit, I haven't played any of the high-level content of the latest expansion, Mists of Pandaria, in the World of Warcraft yet. Why? I don't have a high level...I do have one 85, though I consider her retired...It's silly, but I have a difficult time playing her now, without bringing up more sadness. Long story short, I was in a guild that I absolutely adored. I considered my guildies family, and was pretty crushed when everyone drifted away/stopped playing. It's been almost three years, and my heart still aches. I miss them terribly. So, I find it better if I just don't touch this character.
My main, is currently level 81, I believe. So, my fiance and I are in the process, when we play together, of running through Hyjal. We'll get there eventually, I promise!

The starting zone for the Pandaren though, was a lot of fun. I feel that I breezed through it a lot quicker (and enjoyed the process a lot more) than the goblin and worgen. Really beautiful scenery, music, and the quests were fun and interesting. Plenty of new little bits here and there to keep me entertained! I highly recommend everyone make a pandaren, and at least play through the starting zone. I don't want to say much without giving anything away, but it's really worth it. I promise!

Initially, when the expansion was first announced, I was among the many groaning, "Augh, Kung-fu panda!". Yes, I know they've been around since before the movie, but that's besides the point. It's an avenue they didn't have to pursue, but did. Anyhow, this expansion now had my full approval (If that means anything. Probably not. I'm not picky.). I really do love my Pandaren, Dai'xi, as well. She's freaking adorable, and I feel as far as looks...I can most closely relate to them. Yes, I'm overweight, if you didn't already know. (Are there really strangers out there reading this? I can only hope!). They're sweet, and pleasantly round...If I were about a foot shorter, I could probably cosplay one and pull it off darned well. I'd like to think I've got the personality for it, too!

The one thing I'm griping about right now though...is the pet battle system. I love it. I'm already an altoholic, trying to round up as many achievements,mounts, and pets as I can. Now I need to level my pets. And collect even more. The system is nicely done, and I think it's a fun little mini-game to play with...but at the same time..it's one more thing I feel I have to do....And that folks, is what obsession looks like!

Until next time, get some fresh air and enjoy the sun before Old Man Winter keeps us locked inside!
~Jenicsaco

[Wedding & Health] It's Official!

This will be a short, short, post...but I've done it!

Yesterday, I went back to Coyote Creek and put down my deposit to rent our room! Yes, we are officially getting married now. (Sorry baby, no backing out now!)

Now begins the real planning...sorting out exactly what I want to do theme-wise, picking colors, and even wedding dress shopping! Though, I still dread that last part. I just need to work on channeling my inner zen master, and not stress over any of this.

 My biggest challenge of course, will be losing weight. That's been a frustrating battle thus far. I'm realizing exactly how big my problem is...Today, I had a cookie. I told myself, "I just need one more, and I'm done." Need. NEED? It's an f'ing cooking. I'm so full of excuses, it really sickens me. I think I need to sit down sometime soon, and find some yummy looking recipes that look simple to make. I have a hard time, even when I make something that should be healthy, believing it's really good for me. I need to find that special menu that tastes healthy, is healthy, and I want to eat more of! There's just so much I can't stand...broccoli, peppers, spinach, lots of leafy greens...Either the texture makes me want to gag, or the taste does. It's honest to goodness frustrating.

I'll keep you all posted on that, any how...Wish me luck! I need all the help and support I can get.

~Jenicsaco

[Tech & Gaming] Reviews Galore!

This is  bit of an odd post, which is my fault, really. Everything I want to blog about today, happened on a different day. If I'd done them all when I should have, there wouldn't be a problem! I digress.

Part the first!

This phone: Utter garbage. 

As I hate my phone, it was high time I got a new one. I selected a newer, smaller company, Wind. They transferred my number of from Fido for me, and made the whole process very comfortable and easy! Let's look at this for a second.With Fido, I was paying $50 per month and some change after fees and taxes for unlimited talk and text. While Wind does not have as good coverage, I'm so seldom out of their area, it's not a big issue. Wind is giving me unlimited talk, texting, AND data. $40 a month. It seems like a pretty simple solution, yes?

Now I've got the Samsung Galaxy SIII. It's my very first smart phone, so I'm still learning my way around it. It seems pretty user friendly though. The resolution is godly, and the interface is pretty straight forward. Obviously, it supports all things Google, which makes my life easier. Yes, I'm a Google-girl, and quite happy with it.

My first Smartphone experience is great! Now I can tweet at my local transit system whenever my bus no-shows or is ridiculously late (which is every day), check my social networks to and from work, listen to music. I can finally Instagram, too! here, have a picture of my kitty sleeping:

The only drawback that I'm finding with this phone (or maybe smart phones in general?) is the onscreen keyboard. I don't think I have fat fingers, but I still have trouble getting the right letters half the time. Also, Autocorrect and "predictive" text are a bit of a nightmare. Thanks phone, for trying to fix my mistakes, and help me type a little faster. I know I'm slow. I would like to not think I'm typing the wrong words, though. Makes me feel a little less crazy. 

Part deux! 

Myself, some friends, and a couple co-workers found ourselves at a new restaurant and bar last Friday. EXP. It's a video game themed restaurant, how cool is that? Originally, the plan was to provide customers the chance to play some console games at their table while they ate, but unfortunately, there are laws preventing them from doing that, and serving liquor in the same place. They chose the booze (yay!). I would love to see both one day though...There are currently petitions going to try and change the laws, and hopefully create an even more epic experience. 

I've only got one negative to this place, so let's get that out of the way. The location. It's right near the bus, which is great, but it's also next to a part that attracts a lot of druggies and unsavory characters. I'm not terribly comfortable in such areas, but that doesn't seem to deter most people.

The atmosphere is great, of course. Everyone was in great spirits, and our waitress was fantastic! Super nice, friendly, and helpful. If I could afford it, I'd have loved to given her a $100 tip. Towards the end the service did slow, and we had to wait a little while for our bills, but it was so busy. I really don't fault anyone for that. 

The restaurant itself is decorated with of course, various gaming art, and plenty of flat screen TVs, showing everything from tournaments to cut scenes. The night we went, on the big massive screen, they were playing all of the Final Fantasy 8 cinematics. I almost cried. Great gaming music, my favorite console video game, and the overall buzz of excitement that filled the place. It was heaven. 

Food! Oh my gosh, I cannot rave enough about the food. This is too much...let's break everything down here. This is what I ordered:

• Ultra Deep Fried Pickle - Really delicious. It sounds weird, but they're really tasty! Fried, tempura battered pickle wedges. It comes with some fries, which are really nice too.  You get a choice of dip..I had ordered the Chipotle Aioli, but I honestly don't think that's what I got. Whatever it was, I'm leaning towards the Roasted Garlic Aioli, was scrumptious. I don't mind that mistake at all. 
• Triforce Burger with Onion Power Rings - The burger was honestly the best burger I've ever had. Beef, chicken, and bacon. Really juicy and flavorful and tender. It was heavenly. The rings also blew me away. I'm a sucker for onion rings, and usually opt for those when I can, over fries. Years ago in California, I had some pub rings that were the best I'd ever had. I didn't think I'd ever find a rival, but I found them at EXP. They won the battle of tastiness! Perfection. I regret not taking a picture of everything...
• Choco Island Magic Mushrooms  - YUM! The little chocolate cakes were super rich and really hit my chocolate craving in the sweet spot. The mushrooms looked so realistic, I really have to tip my helm the chef. Really great, and they were pretty darned tasty, once I stopped oggling them!
• Health and Mana -  This drink was actually a two-parter! Mana came in a tall glass, health in a shot. I don't remember what was in them, except raspberry sourpuss. I ended up mixing them together. I really liked this, but I will warn you, it's pretty sweet. 
• Tundaga (or maybe Thundara..they had both, I forget which I ordered) - Really nice drink, and the cup was rimmed with pop rocks! Haha That was a lot of fun to drink. I really enjoyed that.

Briefly, my fiance ordered Mankrik's Wife to drink (very delicious), and the Greedy Pigma Sandwich. The sandwich again was really tender, and full of flavor. I had a bite, it was very good. He upgraded his fries to poutine (seriously excellent gravy), but I think for the cost of the upgrade, he maybe should have received a little more. 

The bill was a bit little painful for a gal on a budget, but really, we ordered drinks, an appetizer, two meals, and dessert. Hey, it was our first time there, gotta try as much as we can! That run us up to $81, I think. Frankly, that's pretty fair, if you ask me. Considering the experience and food quality, actually, I'd say that's incredibly fair. 

I may not have the money to go often, but if I ever find a little extra on the paycheck, I know I'll be back. I'm pretty sure this will be my big birthday dinner, instead of the Keg this year, too. Prime rib and garlic mashed potatoes? Most certainly drool worthy...but I'm craving another Triforce burger!

Choco Island Magic Mushrooms - Made of meringue, not actual mushroom!

Their official website here: http://www.expbar.ca/

Part uh...t'ree?

Mists of Pandaria launched today! I don't have it yet, as it was ordered online..but hopefully in the next couple days. I should have plenty of time to play on... *sigh* Monday. 

I'm a little intrigued to see more non-Pandaren monks running around than Pandaren, though. I fully expected to see a Pandamonion, not a Monk-ey house. I guess some people really are butthurt about the whole "Kung-Fu Panda" business. Oh well. I look forward to playing it...when I get to 85. It looks really beautiful! I can tell that a lot of work went into this expansion, even if I do feel that the general feeling around it is a bit disjointed. Something that was just sort of thrown in, really. But, they worked hard, and it seems pretty darn stunning.

In the mean time, I've been working on my lower levels, happy to avoid anything new, like the plague for now.

[Animals] Fact Searching

If you read my last post on the My Bahari blog, you'll know that I've been raging over this protest that's going to happen at the Aquarium. I've been looking through the event's Facebook listing, and was appalled when I saw a comment along the lines of, "I had no idea it was such a terrible place! Do you have any pamphlets so I can learn more?"

This seriously bothers me. I can say with 100% certainty that a lot of what this group says is grossly exaggerated, if not completely false. To see someone read it, and immediately trust it, is frightening. There are so many things, about so many subjects, that don't always show the truth. I'm seriously troubled by people who would just fully embrace something as truth like that.

I'm not even talking about this particular subject of protests, and marine mammals, and aquariums and captivity anymore. This is in general.

I urge everyone out there, when learning something new, to approach it from all angles, read on a variety of sources, before fully taking something as the honest and good truth. Don't be stupid, don't jump into something so blindly. Do your research. Being spoon fed lies and outlandish ideas is nothing to be proud of. Form your own opinions.

Too often I think, people let themselves get brainwashed by the internet. Heck, I'm pretty sure it's made me dumber, and lazier. I will never let anyone control my opinions though, and I hold onto that value very closely. I just see too many things out there, that are blatantly incorrect, and because there is so much hype surrounding them, they believe every word of it.

Please, please, do your research and look at it from all angles, before forming a solid opinion on something.

I just really needed to get that out of my system...The thought of living in a world of people who can't/won't think for themselves is a terrifying thing. Things can go terribly wrong if people only think with their hearts, and not the facts.

Science, dear readers, is your friend. Seek wisdom and truth, not fleeting notions and lofty goals.

~Jenicsaco