Why Bother?

So, something has just occurred to me...It's a little embarrassing, I should have noticed sooner. I have this blog, but I also have a Tumblr, which can actually be used as a blog, and not just re-posting things! So, I'm making the decision to create less work for myself.

This blog will still be here, if anyone finds it, and wants to read through old entries. However, all of my new posts will be done on Tumblr. I'm going to -try- to post more original content like photography and that sort of thing, as well.

Thanks for following, and I'll see you on Tumblr!

http://www.tumblr.com/blog/jenicsaco

Midnight Launch!

The time has come! Art With A Porpoise is finally here! I've been fighting the urge to launch this early, because I'm actually incredibly excited about this. I'll be the first to say that I have a long ways to go before I feel my art is anything really special, but I'm working on it. I do love working on art, and I can only get better. I'm also always open to suggestion, so if anyone has any suggestions for things I should add to my shop, or constructive criticism, let me hear it!

 What's in a name? Well, I sell art and photography...so that bit's self explanatory. Porpoise? A play on words...So, "Art with a Purpose". Purpose, porpoise - Get it? Ha? My porpoise is to raise money for myself of course, as well as donations and awareness for various charities, and the issues that surround them. I started this website because I felt I needed more structure for the online presence I'm trying to create. The reason I'm doing -that- is obviously to bring in a little more money. I'm currently trying to save every penny so my fiance can afford a honeymoon this October, and after that, so save for a home and a child. Without tooting my own horn too much, I like to be generous. This brings my charities into play. As I've got written in a few places, I'm donating 10% of my total sales to one of my charities at the end of each month. Each of my charities means something special to me, and this way I'm able to give at least a little to them.

 This big change includes new pages and locations for many of my external lurking areas, or simply updating the names. There is one that's a small thorn in my side though. RedBubble (I love it to bits, really) won't let me change my username, hence the name of the shop. I'd rather not create a new shop there either, as I already have sales, and plenty of product up. I've changed the avatar, but it shall forever been known as BahariHaunt on their server. I will however, still refer to it as my Art With A Porpoise (AWAP) RedBubble shop.

 I think that about wraps it up here, thanks for reading, and tagging along on my little journey!

 All my love,
 ~Jenicsaco

It's hard to say goodbye...

I'm not really sure how to start this post off, but this is more something for myself, something I feel I need to work through. I find that writing things out generally the best way to deal with most things. I find myself missing a certain group of people, even though I haven't been in that group for a few years now. I'm going to throw out a little background information, in case anyone reads this, and wonders what I'm talking about. In the World of Warcraft, people can form groups or clubs, called Guilds. The guild I was in was called the Zandalari. We roleplayed our trolls together, and played the game content together. It was heaps of fun, and I began to consider this group honest-to-goodness family. I'd do anything for these guys. I loved them all. I recall plenty of nights when I'd stay up until one in the morning playing and chatting with some of them. I ended up dating one of them. It was a blast, even if it didn't work out in the end. We held a good friendship for a while after until we finally drifted apart, after the guild itself had finally fallen apart. I wish we hadn't parted ways though, and I'm going to try and track this guy down. I miss that friendship. I also fell in love with another member of the guild, despite fighting that tooth and nail. This actually took place before dating the previously mentioned guild-mate. To be honest, finally giving in and admitting those feelings was a great thing to happen. It made me realize that I was rather unhappy in a relationship that I was currently in. I had no desire to pursue the new love, but it put things into perspective for me. Now thanks to that, I'm living a much happier life, and getting married soon! Byron, if by some strange coincidence you read this, thank you so very much. I'll never forget you (thanks to the tattoo you designed for me. ;) ). Thank you to everyone, in the Zandalari, really. Thank you for giving me a sense of belonging, for giving me a sense of worth. I had some of the best times with you guys, and it is one of my deepest regrets that I lost contact with everyone. I have next to no way of reaching out to anyone now, but to post this to our old forum. jenicsaco@gmail.com, @Jenicsaco, facebook.com/jenicsaco <- Find me! I miss you! I keep thinking about this group so often, and every time that I do, I feel like there's a huge part of me missing. I've spent the last few weeks randomly feeling hollow and helpless. It's ridiculous, and I know that I just need to move on somehow. So, this must be my final goodbye. I keep checking the forum, to see if anyone has posted in the chat-box. Once in a blue moon, a new one pops up, but it's rare. I can't keep doing this....So Zandalari, this is it. I love and adore you guys, but I need to move forward. If anyone wants to catch up, I welcome you back into my life, whole heartedly. But I can't keep looking back, because it's simply too hard. I have a lot to look forward to, and right now, forward is the only direction in which I can allow my self to look towards. Goodbye, Zandalari. Love you always, Mun'tasi.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

Que the obligatory "reflection" post. This will likely be short, don't worry.

2012 was a fairly eventful year for me, when I really think out it.  I did suffer a few losses and heartache (the major one for me being the family dog, Tira). It's still weird to go to my parents' house, and not hear her excited barks and hear her nails clattering on the floor by the door as I walk up the steps. I can't help but get a little choked up, even now, thinking about it.

I stood by my best friend as she got married, celebrated, and share some pretty great memories with her, and my other best friends. My reign of Maid of Honor ended, and I'd like to think I did a fairly good job. I planned and Engagement Party, Bridal Shower, and a Bachelorette. They all worked out well, and I'm pleased as punch!

My fiance and I moved into an apartment that's has some ups and downs, together just the two of us, for the first time. We also welcomed a new member into our family shortly after, Monster, Scott's dad's kitty. He adapted to indoor life better than we could have hoped for, and has been amazing. I can't imagine coming home and not seeing him there to greet me now.

After five years, I finally moved to a new department, and thus far am loving it. I'm learning new skills, meeting plenty of new people. I couldn't be more excited for this change. 

As time winds down, more wedding planning for my own wedding was needed, and we managed to book a nice venue, and I went for my first round of wedding dress shopping.

We met with a financial planner recently as well, and with his help next year, will get our crazy financial situation under control. 

2013 of course, will be jam packed with more wedding work and planning. Soon begins the traditional wedding diets, so that we can look fabulous on our big day. We're getting married in under ten months now!

I hope to lead a more structured life as well, planning and keeping myself and fiance well organized.

Bahari Haunt will be seeing the release of monthly art collections. Cute, simple prints and merchandise. I will also be stepping up on my commissions. 

I also aim to see friends more often, maybe hosting some movie and/or game nights in my home. Once per month would be lovely. I love my friends, and I really don't think we see each other enough.On a similar note, I need to spend more quality time with my husband-to-be, as while I see him most evenings, and usually  full day a week, it just doesn't seem like enough. I think a monthly date night may be in order.

I'm pretty sure I say this every year, but I am seriously determined to make 2013 the best year yet. Bettering myself, my relationships, and I hope to maybe even get my foot in the door for a more career oriented position. I've got plenty of goals and dreams, and part-time won't get me there.

Happy New Year (and if you missed it, Merry Christmas!), my friends!
~Jenicsaco

Christmas Shouldn't Be Offensive

I recently read something where someone was greatly offended by a Christmas movie they watched, because they weren't Christian. This movie, had no religious connotations whatsoever, really. Okay, it was Polar Express. You know, the 3D animated movie where a kid gets on a train to see Santa Claus. Not Jesus, not some big Christian birthday party, or what have you. 

I think I need to clarify that I'm not writing this to be offensive. While admittedly religion makes me uncomfortable, I'm becoming more tolerant. So, don't hate.

I can understand people disliking the over-commercialization of the holiday. I can understand not celebrating for religious reasons. I don't understand however, how some people can get so offended over something that isn't religious.

Not everyone who celebrates Christmas is Christian. I'm not, and it's my favorite time of year. The holiday has different meanings for a lot of people. For me, and I -think- many other people, the holiday is less about the birth of some guy named Jesus, and more about the 'spirit' of the season. The warmth, and joy. The giving (and to a small degree, receiving. I can't lie. ), the family and friends, spending time with all of your loved ones. It's a great excuse to gather everyone you love under one roof and just have a great time. Yes, I know you shouldn't need an excuse, but it's difficult to find a time when most people are even available for gatherings, now isn't it? That's what Christmas is to me, at least.

 I don't think religion should ever be flaunted, but since it is still a big part of the holiday for some people, I'll respect that. I don't have to like it, or really even approve of it, but I'll respect it all the same. So long as someone doesn't tell me I'm going to Hell for not sharing the same belief, we're cool. You keep your beliefs to yourself, and I'll do the same.

If anyone is interested in the origins of Christmas, Britannica has a nice, fairly short little post about it. Enjoy!
And yes, this is super early...but considering the content of this blog post, it feels appropriate.
http://www.britannica.com/blogs/2011/12/origin-christmas-december/

I wish you all a safe and joyous holiday season! Enjoy the company of your friends and family, gifts that you give and receive, delicious food and treats. Revel in the beauty of the falling snow, if you're lucky enough to have it. And of course, stay safe!

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Joyous Kwanza , Happy Chanukah, 
~Jenicsaco

[Social Media] *Like*

I can't help but think of how lazy and impersonal we're becoming with the ride of social media. It's quite sad, actually, and I would like to make an effort to return to the old ways, even a little bit.

I've never been a fan of short-form. Abbreviations make me cringe...that's part of my crusade against a lack of respect in communication.

Anyhow, my reason for posting is this. I'm realizing that "Like" and "Favorite", and any other similar one-click thumbs-uppery is just incredibly lazy. In keeping with my "laziness is a lack of respect" view, simply clicking the 'Like' button is just kind of rude. True, I love it when people 'like' a post of mine. But I love comments even more! I want to know exactly what people are thinking, how they feel when they click. Exactly why did you click? Do you have anything to add?

It's kind of pathetic how lonely I feel when someone 'likes' a post, and leaves no comment. I'm just not worth the time of day? I'm sure that's not it, but I just can't help but feel a little empty inside.

I doubt many others feel this way, happy with their social lives...but, I'm making it a goal, from this point forward to take the time to leave a real comment on any post that I enjoy, or respond, or whatever the medium calls for.

I think the biggest issue I have in this respect is on DeviantArt. I work very hard on my art, and I frankly find it quite disrespectful for someone to simply click. 'Favorite' or 'Collect'. Please, let me know what I'm doing right! I appreciate the small token of love, but it really does me no favors.

I don't mean to sound harsh, I just wish people would be more respectful, and take the time to properly communicate with each other. This world and its technology has us distanced from each other, so disconnected. It's quite frightening!

Show your friends and family some textual love, and time! Next time you enjoy someones post, I encourage you to share a little with them in return. I can't imagine anyone who would dislike getting comments on their art, page, tweets, wall, whatever.

Keep spreading the love, my beauties!
~Jenicsaco

[Movies & Philosophy] End of the World?

So, I haven't been around much as I've been pretty darned sick. My apologies, if there's anyone out there that actually follows me. ;) I'm finally starting to think I may be getting better, which is fantastic news after almost a full week of misery and grossness. I'll spare you the details, don't worry.

Anyhow, there's one thing that's been on my mind a lot lately. The end of the world. Yeah, it's pretty dark. But, I can't stop thinking about it! A friend is writing a story revolving around that topic (which I can wait to read), some crazy people say the world will end this year, and I recently watched a related movie.

Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World

The same friend writing the story recommended this to me, and not being in the mood to do much but lounge around, it was the prefect time to watch this! Cuddled up with the fiance and hit the 'play' button. 

First off, I really enjoyed this movie. There's a lot of comedy in it, and I quite enjoy Steve Carell. He didn't play quite such an over-the-top character as he usually does, and it was good. I'm really terrible and writing synopsises...sinopsis? I can't without giving away everything, so I'll refrain. There are a lot of sweet, hopeful moments. There are also some sad ones. The movie ended, and my fiance and I sat in a moment or two of silence, tears rolling down our cheeks. 

The big reason I really enjoyed this movie was because it made me think. The world learns that the world is going to end in three weeks. What would I do in that situation? Would I try to carry on a normal life? Bite the bullet early? Quit everything and cram in as much adventure as possible? Spend time with loved ones? I would say a mix of the latter two, if my time were that short. Suffice to say, the world would more or less be chaos. 

What if it were farther in the future? Say, fifty years? The world still needs to function...food still needs to be produced, electricity, other essentials. Knowing our time was limited though, would most throw out any 'green' habits, or race to try to save it? I suppose it depends on the apocalypse. Still, there are so many variables to factor in, so many outcomes. So many ways one could react. One thing breaks my heart when I put myself in this situation, is that I wouldn't be able to have a child. My one big dream in life is to raise a kid.  Obviously, that would just be cruel, to bring a child into a world you know is doomed. 

Then again, that far in the future, what if they develop something that will save the planet by then? 

Ugh, deep thinking is not good for this sick gal...Anywho, this is just what I've been pondering fervently for the last week or two. What would you do if the world was going to end in a month? Fifty years?

Live long and prosper, friends.

~Jenicsaco 

[Health] Sick Kit!

So, we have first aid kits for medical emergencies, and all sorts of things like that. Make-up bags for well, make-up. A thought occurred to me that we don't have Sick-Kits! I'd love to make and sell these, but from a legal standpoint, I don't think it's a feasible idea. So, let me tell you about my awesome idea.

It sucks being sick. Even more so when we have to leave the house to work or whatever. You should at least be prepared and when you're sick, you're probably not thinking too clearly to begin with. Have a specal bag set up for just such a case!

You will need:

• A make-up bag, or other little bag with a closing mechanism (fancy word for zipper) to hold all of your goodies.
•  A bottle of hand-sanitizer (I find this is often more for everyone around me's peace of mind rather than mine. Remember not to over-use it! Antibiotic resistance is a very bad thing.)
• A travel-pack of facial tissue. (You don't want to be that person on the bus sniffling the whole trip.)
• A zip-lock baggie for somewhere to tuck away your used tissues. (It's better than having a bunch loose snotty tissues floating around in your bag!)
• A plastic barf bag -just in case- (Make sure there are no holes! I'd say, double-bag it to be safe. You shouldn't leave the house if you're throwing up, really. But, sometimes it can just sneak up on you. Better safe than sorry and apologizing to whoever you just threw up all over. )
• Medicine! (I won't tell you what medicine to pack because everyone has their preferences. I like Daytime Advil Cold & Sinus, but that's just me.)
• Pain killers (Great if you're prone to head and body aches when you're sick)
• Tums (Keep that tummy settled! They make nice little travel-sized bottles now)
• Gum/Breath Mints (People's breath tends to worsen when sick. Also, if you've been throwing up, a little fresher breath is a God-send).
• Cough candies (Nothing like a cough that just won't go away)
• Taxi money (if you find yourself needing to get to a doctor's office quicker than a bus will get you)
• Chapstick - I know my lips tend to dry out a fair bit when I'm sick. This is just a lil something to make me feel better. 

And there's my suggestion for a quick and easy Sick-Kit.  I really love this idea, and if you do too, please spread the word! I haven't heard of anyone else doing this before, so I'm pretty excited. :)

Stay healthy, my lovlies!
-Jenicsaco

[Food] Dirge's Kickin' Chimaerock Chops

So I've decided to try and do my take on some recipes from World of Warcraft.  The first was suggested to me by a friend. Dirge's Kickin' Chimaerock Chops (that's a whole lot to type!).

I am sick today, so I was feeling pretty lazy...but, this is what I came up with. 'Recipe' will be posted below.

Unfortunately, I had a difficult time finding any Chimaerock...So, I had to settle for pork chops. I seasoned them with deeprock salt ( seasoning salt ) and some spicy Mrs. Dash. I threw them in the oven for 40 minutes at 375°.

While the porkchops were cooking I threw on some basmati rice, and got working on my sauce.

In  a little saucepan I added some chopped onion and garlic with a little butter, and sauteed them until they were nice and soft, then I threw in the rest of the saucy incredients. Bear in mind, unless I'm following a recipe, I just don't measure things. I eyeball it, taste, that sort of thing. If I like something, I add more of it. Into the pot went tomato paste, Goblin Rocket Fuel ( white rum ), more spicy Mrs. Dash, Death Sauce. I let it simmer for a while before deciding it needed more...Then I added some milk to cut the acidity a little, cumin, chili powder, and red chili pepper flakes.

After that was all done, I threw the chop of a bed of rice, and added some more sauce.

Well..it tastes better than it looks. ^^; 

The verdict? It was pretty tasty, but I would have added maybe a little more milk...and diced mushrooms, if I had any. If I liked peppers, I probably would have added some of those, too.

[Health] Incoming Cold!

So, I'd like to thank my friend for getting me sick. :P I found out after I woke up this morning, feeling a little more phlegmy than usual, that she's got a cold. At least I know where it came from. Besties gotta share everything, right?

I had a lot that I wanted to get done today...it's been a really productive 3-day weekend, and I don't like the idea of slowing down. I also don't like the idea of getting full-blown sick. So..I need to start up my prevention methods. I also have company coming for fun times tomorrow, so I need to at least make sure the house is kinda tidy. And I have work, so I want to be as close to healthy as I can be.

Anyways, prevention involves drinking a whole lot of tea...like, chain drinking. Starting off with a raspberry pomegranate matcha. I'm pretty excited about that. Even if the work I planned to do today isn't strenuous in the least, I've gotta put it on the back-burner. I think it's important to let your mind rest when getting sick, too.

With no work, I'd be pretty darned bored...I'll probably watch a movie or two, and a lot of World of Warcraft. Get all bundled up in my robe and fluffy orca slippers.

Now, this is the worst bit...I kid you not, I hate naps. I feel like I could be doing so much more with my day. Could be having more fun, getting more work done. Whatever. Naps are awful. But, sleep is SO important when you're sick. I spent nearly an entire day sleeping once when I was sick, and was almost 100% the next day. It was beautiful.

I'm also going to take a multivitamin to help my body out a little. It's not much, but that's my battle plan. When I'm able to do this for a day or two, I'm generally sick no more than two or three days. I think it's gotta be fairly effective then, yes?

What do you do when you start getting sick? Double up on vitamins? Trudge through the malaise? Take lots of medicine? Or maybe you have a ritual that you go through as well?

Stay healthy, my friends!
~Jenicsaco

[Budget & Holidays] Christmas Planning

So, here's the deal...I love Christmas to bits...but it can sure be stressful! Espescially on a budget.
I'm currently digging through articles and websites on cheap gift ideas...but I have yet to see anything that really applies to me. Not of it is really 'cheap'.

There is the default of baking for everyone. People seem to appreciate that. But that isn't always as easy as it sounds...I thought about it, and I may have to resort to that, but it's incredibly time consuming...Time that I don't know I'll have. There's the mixing and prep which, if you're making multiple cookies like I do (because one type of treat is boring),  takes forever. The baking (I'll only be able to bake 6-8 cookies at a time, of perhaps 100 or so that I'd need to bake.), and the decorating!

I certainly can't buy conventional gifts...and it's very frustrating! I have friends and family that I love dearly, and would really like to be able to give them great gifts. One year, I spent $80-ish on each family member...That was great! It's the worst feeling of disappointment to wonder how you can possibly show everyone how much you care.

I'd really wanted to post a list of gift ideas that are both easy on the time aspect, and the wallet. Unfortunately, everything that I could find is either very time consuming, or costs more than I assume any normal person on a budget these days could afford!

I had pondered maybe just hand-making a bunch of Christmas cards..but again, time consuming. I have also sworn off cards. I will make birthday cards for my fiance, because I know he really likes to keep them, but that's about it. The way I see it, they're a wast of money. If you're buying one, that is. It seems like a huge waste to spend $5 for some paper with writing that a person will look at, and throw out. Or maybe put it on display for a couple days. I'm sorry, but if you don't know how I feel, I haven't effectively communicated that to you, and I'm sorry.

The holidays are indeed stressful...everyone seems to have different reasons for it, too. For me, I just can't give everyone what I want, and that eats me up inside.

I think perhaps a trip to the craft store is in order...ideas are stewing, and I don't want to spoil it if I follow through. If it doesn't work out, I'll let you guys know what I'd wanted to do. :)

[Gaming & Nails] Craptastic nerdy nail art!

So, I decided to paint my nails for Video Games Live . This, if you haven't heard, is video game music performed by an orchestra. Oldies, new games, it's all epic. Lots of fun, and I can't recommend it enough, if it's playing in your city!

Now, I'm awful at painting my nails, so this isn't "good" by any stretch. But, here we go.

At 10:30am I got all of my polishes and tools set up. Bobby pin and toothpicks for finer details when I realized my pain brush was going to be tricky to use.

At 5:00 pm I declared myself finished. I could have done more touch-ups...but again, 5pm. I was done..and battling a pretty nasty headache to boot. I'm pretty sure it was all the fumes...
Polishes I used were:
Sally Hansen - Hard as Nails - Xtreme wear -" Black Out", Cherry Red
Claire's scented polish - Orange, Lime, Fruit Punch, Strawberry
Fascino #59, #40
GOSH - Black Passion
butter London - Cheeky chops
Crafter's Acrylic - Flesh chair (yes, acrylic paint)

So, here are the final results.

Blue portal, Mushroom, Tetris, Space Invader, Alliance (World of Warcraft)

Horde (World of Warcraft), Pac-man, Pokeball, Triforce, Orange portal

I'm pretty sure this will be my last big nail venture...This was just too much work, for such a crappy result. Oh well, live and learn! Now to keep them from chipping...not easy, in my line of work.

[Holiday] Letter to Santa

Santa Claus asked that we send him our blog-posted gift lists. I gave it some thought, so here I go.

Dear Santa,

I really don't think I've been very good this year, but goodness I've tried. I just can't succeed no matter how hard I try. It's been weak, but as least I've tried, right? If I'm worthy of gifts, I would ask for the clothes that I can't afford, to replace the ones that are falling apart. That is the only thing I truly need that I don't have. I don't like to ask for things for myself though...What I really want, is to be able to give my fiance a fantastic honeymoon next year, so that we can both have the one big adventure of our lives. We won't be able to do anything like it again ever, so I want to try very hard to make this happen for us. I want to make him happy.

Always a believer,
Jen

[Health] Killing Depression

So, I feel that I need to write the post in order to help myself, mostly. It will be a very dark post, and if you're not interested, I do suggest you skip this one. it does get better as it goes, though. There will be much better ones soon to follow too, I promise!

I mentioned in my last post that my depression was making a comeback. It had vanished more or less since that post, but Thursday night, it came back with a vengeance. I can't think of anything in particular that brought it on. Just home alone, surfing the web. I spent a good three hours sobbing on the couch. At one point, I did consider suicide, the first serious time in...I want to say in five years or so. This is where it gets really sad...I looked at the knife, and realized that I was just too lazy. I didn't even have enough motivation to do anything but sit and scream and cry my heart out. I'd just given up on everything. I guess that's when it hit me that I need help.

I started then posting pathetic little subtle cries for help through social media, and googling therapists in my area. One of my besties noticed what was happening, and really helped me through the last few waves of real despair. (I can't thank you enough for all the pits you've helped me out of.)

As the sobbing subsided, and I got to thinking about things more and more, I realized that I have a very serious problem with motivation. I think that is the root of all my problems. I can never get motivated to do anything for more than a short while, if at all. The constant failure just brings me farther and farther down. I really have completed very little in my recent years. I'm always looking for a fresh start, a do-over. If I'm not happy, I hit the reset button.

After my google journey, I realized that therapists are very expensive, and I can't really afford one. If I really need to, I will though. For the time being, I'm going to try and help myself. Looking up ways to get and keep myself motivated. On my next real day off, I'll be working on a personal growth plan, setting easy goals, etc. I also got my fiance to pick me up a few things to hopefully help me out.

-Melatonin to help me sleep through the night. I wake up constantly, and I'm more often than not, very tired.
-Garcinia Cambogia to help with weight loss. I know I need to be physically healthy to help with the mental bits, and I need every ounce of help I can get.
-Magnesium glycinate to help with sleep, stress, and a few other little things.

I'm also going grocery shopping today, and will be looking for plenty of healthy meal ideas. Fresh food = fresh mind and body!

With all of this, plus I hope the encouragement and support of my family and friends, I think this may be just what I need to become whole. I realize that I need to get to this point of mental health before I can even think about having a child, my biggest dream.

If you made it to the end of this post, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. <3

All my love,
-Jenicsaco

[Health & Dreams] Housewife Dreams and Dark Shadows

In this day and age, it is more common than not, for women to have larger dreams, than they did decades ago. Making plenty of money, higher education, careers, living life large.

I often wonder to myself...is there something wrong with me? That sort of thing really has never been what I want...I've had a few fun jobs that I would like...but the more I think about it, what I really want to be...is a housewife. I want to spend my days at home, raising children, cooking meals for my family, keeping the house tidy.

While my own mom does work a job (with the exception of during the summer), she also works from home. She sells art online. Wooden painted dolls, prints, lots of really cute little things. She's doing fairly well with it, too. Maybe not enough to solely survive on that, but pretty close in her busy periods. This is why I'm striving to become better with my own art, and increase my own online presence. If I had the ability to make money from home, raise my children, and be a real family mom, that would be a dream come true. I'm seriously trying to pursue this right now.

I wonder though, how many people would frown on such a low goal. That I'm not shooting for the stars. That I don't want to a fancy career, university degrees, and things like that. Does that make me an under achiever?

Or, is the fact that I finally know what I want in life, and I'm working towards it, something to applaud?

I shouldn't worry what others think, I should just be proud of myself that I'm finally walking that path that I think I was meant to be on. I can't help but worry what others think though. Shamefully, I just want to be loved and accepted by all.

This post is shifting a little darker, and I apologize for that...but, I need to vent a little. Feel free to skip this part of the post, if you don't want to read depressing bits.


It's been very up and down, though for the most part, really positive. In the last month or so though, my depression has been making itself more prevalent in my life again. It isn't a medically diagnosed depression, but I know it's there, and that it's real.

It's that sort of thing, where you just feel so hopeless, and you don't even care about getting out of that dark pit you're falling into. I won't go into details, but suicide is at the bottom. Or, it's a tunnel at the bottom, that people try to dig, to give themselves that escape...but it just ends. That feeling that nothing you do is worthwhile, nobody -really- cares about you, there's no point in sticking around, since you're so utterly useless. Nothing I do ever goes right. It sucks...and it really bothers me when people say, "Oh cheer up. Just get over it." But anyone who actually goes through this, understands that you can't. If things get better, it's only over time...you can't force yourself to just 'cheer up'. It just happens eventually, or at least, the pain fades. I hate the waiting...it's scary.

I also hate that this is coming back. I don't fully understand why...but I'm willing to bet it's stress related. Finances, a new job, wedding planning. That must be it.

I've been wondering as well if I should seek out some sort of a mental evaluation...I know there are things wrong with me, but to what extent, I'm not sure. I suffer from (self-diagnosed)depression and Misophonia, which is now looking like an emotional response disorder (which would explain a LOT), but I feel like I'm just...off. I can't really explain it.  I don't really know where to begin with something like that, though....And I'm fairly certain that it would cost more than I could ever afford.

Anyways...I think that concludes this little rant...I'm sorry it took such a dark turn south. :(

~Jenicsaco

[Animals] Rest in peace, Theo.

I really wanted to make a post here, but was struggling with a topic. I thought about updating on Theo, but the last that saw him, he was doing very well, and I didn't have much else to say, or at least, that I really could say. So, I way trying to think of another topic...unfortunately, I recieved an e-mail today that just broke my heart...

Theodore passed away last night. While his chances were not good to begin with, he had shown some impressive improvements that had me really feeling hopeful for his recovery, and eventual possible release. I don't have all of the information, but it sounds like he took a very sudden turn downhill....Currently waiting on necropsy results, to find out the cause of death...I know that while this is truly upsetting (I'm fighting tooth and nail against some serious tears right now), good will also come of this...Harbor porpoises are not very well known, so there is much knowledge to gain from Theo, even after death.

I'm truly grateful for the opportunity to have had a few shifts with him, and to have watched him make those steps to recovery. To have been able to spend that time with him.

I leave you with a link to the Vancouver Aquarium's blog post on the matter, which can explain things much better of course, than I can.

http://www.aquablog.ca/2012/10/stranded-harbour-porpoise-theo-fails-to-recover/

[Environmental] 99 Red Balloons? No thank you.

So, I wanted to write a blog post on why people should ban balloons...but I didn't want to do so without some numbers to throw out. This had been an interesting venture...I find a lot of pages saying why people shouldn't ban balloons, and few giving reasons for the opposite.

Balloons end up as garbage, litter. They can become ingested by animals mistaking it for food, or just plain by mistake. Some smaller critters can even become entangled in discarded balloons and die.

I've read that latex balloons, though made of natural ingredients, can take up to four or six (I've read both) to decompose. That's a long time to leave something out for a poor animal to eat and choke on, or be unable to digest and wind up with some deadly digestion issues.

Releasing balloons is just incredibly irresponsible. You may as well just pop it and throw it on the ground, there's really no difference.

While I don't have kids yet, my household will have a ban on balloons. They are a pointless, useless form of mild entertainment and decoration, and the world would be better off without them. I will never buy my child a balloon, and encourage others to do so. Spend the money some something equally as entertaining, and something that can be re-used and treasured. Not something that will last maybe half a day, and end up in the garbage. Do the environment a favor, and save the latex for something more worthwhile, like birth control.

~Jenicsaco

[Gaming] Pandaria Progress

I will admit, I haven't played any of the high-level content of the latest expansion, Mists of Pandaria, in the World of Warcraft yet. Why? I don't have a high level...I do have one 85, though I consider her retired...It's silly, but I have a difficult time playing her now, without bringing up more sadness. Long story short, I was in a guild that I absolutely adored. I considered my guildies family, and was pretty crushed when everyone drifted away/stopped playing. It's been almost three years, and my heart still aches. I miss them terribly. So, I find it better if I just don't touch this character.
My main, is currently level 81, I believe. So, my fiance and I are in the process, when we play together, of running through Hyjal. We'll get there eventually, I promise!

The starting zone for the Pandaren though, was a lot of fun. I feel that I breezed through it a lot quicker (and enjoyed the process a lot more) than the goblin and worgen. Really beautiful scenery, music, and the quests were fun and interesting. Plenty of new little bits here and there to keep me entertained! I highly recommend everyone make a pandaren, and at least play through the starting zone. I don't want to say much without giving anything away, but it's really worth it. I promise!

Initially, when the expansion was first announced, I was among the many groaning, "Augh, Kung-fu panda!". Yes, I know they've been around since before the movie, but that's besides the point. It's an avenue they didn't have to pursue, but did. Anyhow, this expansion now had my full approval (If that means anything. Probably not. I'm not picky.). I really do love my Pandaren, Dai'xi, as well. She's freaking adorable, and I feel as far as looks...I can most closely relate to them. Yes, I'm overweight, if you didn't already know. (Are there really strangers out there reading this? I can only hope!). They're sweet, and pleasantly round...If I were about a foot shorter, I could probably cosplay one and pull it off darned well. I'd like to think I've got the personality for it, too!

The one thing I'm griping about right now though...is the pet battle system. I love it. I'm already an altoholic, trying to round up as many achievements,mounts, and pets as I can. Now I need to level my pets. And collect even more. The system is nicely done, and I think it's a fun little mini-game to play with...but at the same time..it's one more thing I feel I have to do....And that folks, is what obsession looks like!

Until next time, get some fresh air and enjoy the sun before Old Man Winter keeps us locked inside!
~Jenicsaco

[Wedding & Health] It's Official!

This will be a short, short, post...but I've done it!

Yesterday, I went back to Coyote Creek and put down my deposit to rent our room! Yes, we are officially getting married now. (Sorry baby, no backing out now!)

Now begins the real planning...sorting out exactly what I want to do theme-wise, picking colors, and even wedding dress shopping! Though, I still dread that last part. I just need to work on channeling my inner zen master, and not stress over any of this.

 My biggest challenge of course, will be losing weight. That's been a frustrating battle thus far. I'm realizing exactly how big my problem is...Today, I had a cookie. I told myself, "I just need one more, and I'm done." Need. NEED? It's an f'ing cooking. I'm so full of excuses, it really sickens me. I think I need to sit down sometime soon, and find some yummy looking recipes that look simple to make. I have a hard time, even when I make something that should be healthy, believing it's really good for me. I need to find that special menu that tastes healthy, is healthy, and I want to eat more of! There's just so much I can't stand...broccoli, peppers, spinach, lots of leafy greens...Either the texture makes me want to gag, or the taste does. It's honest to goodness frustrating.

I'll keep you all posted on that, any how...Wish me luck! I need all the help and support I can get.

~Jenicsaco

[Tech & Gaming] Reviews Galore!

This is  bit of an odd post, which is my fault, really. Everything I want to blog about today, happened on a different day. If I'd done them all when I should have, there wouldn't be a problem! I digress.

Part the first!

This phone: Utter garbage. 

As I hate my phone, it was high time I got a new one. I selected a newer, smaller company, Wind. They transferred my number of from Fido for me, and made the whole process very comfortable and easy! Let's look at this for a second.With Fido, I was paying $50 per month and some change after fees and taxes for unlimited talk and text. While Wind does not have as good coverage, I'm so seldom out of their area, it's not a big issue. Wind is giving me unlimited talk, texting, AND data. $40 a month. It seems like a pretty simple solution, yes?

Now I've got the Samsung Galaxy SIII. It's my very first smart phone, so I'm still learning my way around it. It seems pretty user friendly though. The resolution is godly, and the interface is pretty straight forward. Obviously, it supports all things Google, which makes my life easier. Yes, I'm a Google-girl, and quite happy with it.

My first Smartphone experience is great! Now I can tweet at my local transit system whenever my bus no-shows or is ridiculously late (which is every day), check my social networks to and from work, listen to music. I can finally Instagram, too! here, have a picture of my kitty sleeping:

The only drawback that I'm finding with this phone (or maybe smart phones in general?) is the onscreen keyboard. I don't think I have fat fingers, but I still have trouble getting the right letters half the time. Also, Autocorrect and "predictive" text are a bit of a nightmare. Thanks phone, for trying to fix my mistakes, and help me type a little faster. I know I'm slow. I would like to not think I'm typing the wrong words, though. Makes me feel a little less crazy. 

Part deux! 

Myself, some friends, and a couple co-workers found ourselves at a new restaurant and bar last Friday. EXP. It's a video game themed restaurant, how cool is that? Originally, the plan was to provide customers the chance to play some console games at their table while they ate, but unfortunately, there are laws preventing them from doing that, and serving liquor in the same place. They chose the booze (yay!). I would love to see both one day though...There are currently petitions going to try and change the laws, and hopefully create an even more epic experience. 

I've only got one negative to this place, so let's get that out of the way. The location. It's right near the bus, which is great, but it's also next to a part that attracts a lot of druggies and unsavory characters. I'm not terribly comfortable in such areas, but that doesn't seem to deter most people.

The atmosphere is great, of course. Everyone was in great spirits, and our waitress was fantastic! Super nice, friendly, and helpful. If I could afford it, I'd have loved to given her a $100 tip. Towards the end the service did slow, and we had to wait a little while for our bills, but it was so busy. I really don't fault anyone for that. 

The restaurant itself is decorated with of course, various gaming art, and plenty of flat screen TVs, showing everything from tournaments to cut scenes. The night we went, on the big massive screen, they were playing all of the Final Fantasy 8 cinematics. I almost cried. Great gaming music, my favorite console video game, and the overall buzz of excitement that filled the place. It was heaven. 

Food! Oh my gosh, I cannot rave enough about the food. This is too much...let's break everything down here. This is what I ordered:

• Ultra Deep Fried Pickle - Really delicious. It sounds weird, but they're really tasty! Fried, tempura battered pickle wedges. It comes with some fries, which are really nice too.  You get a choice of dip..I had ordered the Chipotle Aioli, but I honestly don't think that's what I got. Whatever it was, I'm leaning towards the Roasted Garlic Aioli, was scrumptious. I don't mind that mistake at all. 
• Triforce Burger with Onion Power Rings - The burger was honestly the best burger I've ever had. Beef, chicken, and bacon. Really juicy and flavorful and tender. It was heavenly. The rings also blew me away. I'm a sucker for onion rings, and usually opt for those when I can, over fries. Years ago in California, I had some pub rings that were the best I'd ever had. I didn't think I'd ever find a rival, but I found them at EXP. They won the battle of tastiness! Perfection. I regret not taking a picture of everything...
• Choco Island Magic Mushrooms  - YUM! The little chocolate cakes were super rich and really hit my chocolate craving in the sweet spot. The mushrooms looked so realistic, I really have to tip my helm the chef. Really great, and they were pretty darned tasty, once I stopped oggling them!
• Health and Mana -  This drink was actually a two-parter! Mana came in a tall glass, health in a shot. I don't remember what was in them, except raspberry sourpuss. I ended up mixing them together. I really liked this, but I will warn you, it's pretty sweet. 
• Tundaga (or maybe Thundara..they had both, I forget which I ordered) - Really nice drink, and the cup was rimmed with pop rocks! Haha That was a lot of fun to drink. I really enjoyed that.

Briefly, my fiance ordered Mankrik's Wife to drink (very delicious), and the Greedy Pigma Sandwich. The sandwich again was really tender, and full of flavor. I had a bite, it was very good. He upgraded his fries to poutine (seriously excellent gravy), but I think for the cost of the upgrade, he maybe should have received a little more. 

The bill was a bit little painful for a gal on a budget, but really, we ordered drinks, an appetizer, two meals, and dessert. Hey, it was our first time there, gotta try as much as we can! That run us up to $81, I think. Frankly, that's pretty fair, if you ask me. Considering the experience and food quality, actually, I'd say that's incredibly fair. 

I may not have the money to go often, but if I ever find a little extra on the paycheck, I know I'll be back. I'm pretty sure this will be my big birthday dinner, instead of the Keg this year, too. Prime rib and garlic mashed potatoes? Most certainly drool worthy...but I'm craving another Triforce burger!

Choco Island Magic Mushrooms - Made of meringue, not actual mushroom!

Their official website here: http://www.expbar.ca/

Part uh...t'ree?

Mists of Pandaria launched today! I don't have it yet, as it was ordered online..but hopefully in the next couple days. I should have plenty of time to play on... *sigh* Monday. 

I'm a little intrigued to see more non-Pandaren monks running around than Pandaren, though. I fully expected to see a Pandamonion, not a Monk-ey house. I guess some people really are butthurt about the whole "Kung-Fu Panda" business. Oh well. I look forward to playing it...when I get to 85. It looks really beautiful! I can tell that a lot of work went into this expansion, even if I do feel that the general feeling around it is a bit disjointed. Something that was just sort of thrown in, really. But, they worked hard, and it seems pretty darn stunning.

In the mean time, I've been working on my lower levels, happy to avoid anything new, like the plague for now.